"It took getting stripped to practically nothing for me to finally be willing to step into my power. That's when the beauty happened."
My life was never easy. Many would say I got handed the shit end of the stick in many situations as soon as I came into this alluring world. 3:49 in the afternoon of March, 5th 1992 to be exact. Making me a Pisces Sun and an Aries Moon even though I might come across as a Leo to you, more about that later. I always had a strong sense of intuition and people around me noticed. There were countless examples where I knew something that I wasn’t necessarily supposed to, from predicting my mother’s pregnancy at 6 years old, to feeling spirits as we slowly drive down the street and I innocently yell out “Mom! Someone died here!” Sure enough on the street corner we were stopped at, someone passed away a few days prior. Does that freak you out? It’s okay because it freaked me out too, and then life happened.
The feelings of awe, fear, abandonment, love, heartbreak, ups and downs quickly became a regular thing as far back as I can remember. I won’t go into detail about the trauma as we all have our own Pain Scale. My 10 on the scale might be your 4. The point is, we all have experienced the highs and lows of life and it made us who we are today. The most important thing I’ve learned up to this point besides love yourself is the bad doesn’t last forever and it is essential for us to experience this pain to appreciate the good. Same goes for the good, live in gratitude and appreciate it all.
It’s really hard to navigate through the dark tunnels of life when your light is dimmed. For me, playing the victim, fear, insecurity, trust issues, the pain from the past, all held me back from simply turning on that light. I got lost. Very lost. By this point I’m crawling, the darkness has taken over and I couldn’t see a way out. It took getting stripped to practically nothing for me to finally be willing to step into my power. That’s when the beauty happened.
Finding my light didn’t happen over night, it was a gradual growth. I realized I had to break free from everything that was holding me back and that wasn’t easy. These negative energies, even though they were horrible, made me comfortable in a way. It was easier living with the pain than letting it go and swimming into the unknown. The unknown of loving myself. I had to start off where I spent most of my time, my home, my mind. It was so loud and I hated being there I would do anything with the little power I had to not be there. All I did was make a decision to force myself to listen. Just listen. Listen to my thoughts. Making a conscious effort in every situation to “think happy thoughts”. Slowly with changing one thought then the next, I started to feel better. I started to get to know myself, truly know myself. I was always scared I wouldn’t like the person I truly was for whatever made up story I told myself at that moment. None of those things were true. The complete opposite actually. I realized that I’m not who brought me into this world, I’m not who I told myself I was, I’m not who you say I am.
After changing my thoughts I was drawn naturally to more positive things. I started listening to what my body was telling me when I would consume things, I wanted to eat more healthy. Be more healthy. I let go of a lot of material possessions. I started to only want things around me that served what I was trying to do. I let go of a lot of people as well even when I didn’t want too, at this point the universe was doing it for me anyway. Things like meditation, exercise, traveling, the ocean, reading, learning and most of all helping, would excite me. Naturally. I wasn’t forcing anything. My point is all of this started because I decided to start with myself. By doing that I grew the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced and that was true confidence and faith in myself. I was absolutely falling in love with me. Getting to know myself through writing, music, art, and nature.
I’ve always known I wanted to help people for a living and for the past decade I’ve known that route was through what I’m doing now. I just didn’t have the confidence and faith in myself then but thankfully after a lot of hard work I do now.
Next came action. Then came In Your Head Tarot.
Tarot was the backbone to my breakthrough. I was able to lay out my journey in front of me and really look at it. Focus on myself. I couldn’t have done any of this without it and that’s my honest truth. It worked for me and naturally I wanted to show everyone how it could work for them too. That’s when the magic happened.
I have given more readings that I can possibly count and they were all beautiful, meaningful and accurate. The feeling I get when help someone walk through a situation and realize that they hold the power to make everything better is incredible and that’s when I realized my purpose. While reading out of someone else’s book and using a deck that was a gift from a friend I would find myself putting that book aside and giving whoever I’m with my perception of the card, my experience, going off what I’ve learned, of course. I would feel the connection. So I decided that the next step again is action.
In The Clouds Tarot
Written by Sarah Mae Loyd
Illustrated by Kimmy Haines